Over the past week I've given a number of telephone interviews--usually newspapers calling to get background on my most recent book and to create some unique angle for a story. But the fact is, I have no unique angles. A typical interview usually goes like this.
Q: So tell me, Mr. Alleycat, what was the inspiration behind this book?
A: Frozen pizzas.
Q: Frozen pizzas?
A: Yeah, my son eats a lot of frozen pizzas and if I sell a few books, I can pay my grocery bill.
Q: I see . . . but did you, say, vacation in Paris or some exotic location to gain some inspiration for this one?
A: No, I usually compose my books while I'm riding on my Cub Cadet lawn mower.
Q: You compose books while you mow?
A: Yeah, it cuts down on the time it takes me to type it up. I compose a whole chapter and then I transcribe it later.
Q: I see . . . but surely you must have a source of inspiration. A muse, perhaps?
A: I've got Gomer Pyle. He has some funny quips. Ever seen the show?
Q: Well, er . . . no. Not lately. Anything else you can tell us about yourself?
A: I'm in good shape, for the shape I'm in. I kayak the creek next to my house. I once ate a grilled gopher on a stick.
Q: Anything to do with writing?
A: I've got 350 floppy disks loaded with inane crap that I'm still trying to sell. Wanna buy a short story? An essay? A poem? Got tons of 'em.
Q: I write for a newspaper, sir.
A: I see . . . and how do you feel about that?
Q: (muffled cursing sound)
Q: Well, thanks for your time.
A: Any time, my friend. Any time. Gotta go mow.