It's that time of the year again when I begin receiving a multitude of invitations to speak, or lead a workshop, or be a guest speaker at a luncheon, dinner or retreat. Some are out of state and would require travel.
I've come to realize, however, that guest speaking or keynote speaking just isn't for me. Sure, I can do it, but truthfully, I'd rather be at home and speak to my son and my dog. Communicating with them actually requires more skill, and I have to hone my speeches with precision and delicate word selection if I am to get the most response from them.
And so, for these and other reasons (including the fact that I only have one set of travel underwear, or will be driving a car that might break down at the end of my driveway, or that I'm being invited to speak at a location that doesn't have a Starbucks nearby) I turn down 95% of the invitations I'm offered. I'd rather stay at home and let Becky scream at me. I'd rather write something than "say" something. And if I do speak, I'll hold out for the really big bucks with an option in the contract for a new package of underwear.
Having written all of this for your understanding and enjoyment, however, I do feel that it's only fair to let others know why I can't accept their invitations to speak at the next bar mitzvah or the opening ceremony at the Hendricks County Insecticide Convention. For those who are planning these events and had me in mind as the keynote speaker, I do hope you'll understand. I'm just not cut out for the limelight and the fame. The fact is, I can barely tie my own shoe laces (and frequently don't) and my wife would tell you that I can't communicate worth a fart anyway.
No, I'm certain there is someone out there who is far more qualified than I to speak at the Cake Bakers Annual Frosting Festival. I'll just save you the trouble and say "no" at this time.
Thanks for your understanding.