I will remember Monday, June 21. That's the day I received my quickest rejection . . . ever! Late in the afternoon I had sent a humor submission to The New Yorker's "Shouts & Murmurs" via email. Less than five minutes later the editors sent me notification of rejection.
Not that I'm complaining. In fact, it's rather refreshing to get feedback in minutes rather than months, or even years. And now I can move the piece along to another magazine, which I already have. Two submissions of the same piece in under ten minutes. Not bad.
Many things in life are, of course, much better in quick time. Fast food wouldn't be nearly as good if it were slow food. Ever eaten a cold slider? Or how about those phone conversations with sales reps? I'm always appreciative when the voice on the other end of the line strikes quickly, and tells me exactly why they've called, instead of opening the conversation with, "Have you got a couple of hours to spare so I can tell you about a little product that will change your life?" Well, actually, I don't . . . and what makes you think my life could be any better? I always tell these reps, "Actually nothing can improve my life. It's that bad. There's no product that can keep me from going gray worrying over a 16-year-old nincompoop, no product that can improve my already stellar love life with a woman who is now taking motorcycle-riding lessons, no product that can improve my memory or keep me from falling into a deep chasm of depression.
No . . . just give me the facts. Make it quick! Let's pretend this is Dragnet and I'm packing heat. I love role-playing!