Mom's Christmas List

It's a ritual I go through every December . . . . Mom calls. She asks me about books. "What titles do you want this year?"

Then, we dance.

I tell her I have all the books I need, but could really use some new underwear. She says, "I'm not buying you more underwear."

I sigh and tell her that she doesn't need to bother getting me anything (and I really, truly mean this!). I could have Christmas without gifts, VERY EASILY! "I have everything I need," I say.

"Well, then tell me what you want," Mom says. "What are some books you'd like to read?"

Okay, so to appease old mom I break down and give her a couple of titles. "I'll read anything from the Best American trade paperback series," I tell her.

The next day, mom calls back. "They have a lot of those books," Mom says. "Do you want the 2009 titles, or the 2010 titles?"

"Mom," I say, trying not to sound too intellectual. "It's not 2010 yet. Those books haven't been published. So, I guess I'll go with the 2009, since they are actually sitting on the shelf now."

"And where can I find them?" she wonders.

"In a bookstore, mom," I say. "In a bookstore. Just ask for anyone named 'Nancy' and she'll help you."

Mom doesn't need to be shopping for books. She needs something simple like underwear: solid colors, boxers, or maybe a pair that says: "World's Greatest Son"