Yes, Dear

Since I have written for many women's magazines over the years, I certainly know my stuff when it comes to the fairer sex. Heck, what am I saying . . . I'm an expert! But in case there are men out there who haven't learned the secret of marriage . . . read on. Live and learn, my brothers. Live and learn.

Yes, Dear

There's a secret to marriage

That we dare not disparage

And men know it by heart (though it's queer):

That a man can stay sane

If he's content to remain

In the harmony of saying "Yes, Dear!"

Some men, of course, lapse

When they try to take naps

Or attempt to push man-strength or fear.

But in the end, brother,

Your marriage will suffer

If you don't acquiesce to "Yes, Dear!"

Those men are most happy

Who have learned this (though sappy):

That marriage runs best in the gear

Where the man takes the seat

In the rear where the heat

Can best by cooled down with "Yes, Dear!"

When the woman's in charge

A marriage looms large

And a man gets more "nookie" than beer

When he gives her the wheel

To do what she'll feel

Is best when she hears the "Yes, Dear!"

Sure, some might get mad

Or think it's too bad

That a man is more virile in tear,

But listen, my friend,

You'll find peace in the end

If you learn how to whisper, "Yes, Dear!"

And while some men feel "clipped"

Or "neutered" or "whipped"

If they follow their woman with cheer,

You can bet your life, Binky

That their marriage ain't stinky

'Cause they've learned how to holler, "Yes, Dear!"

When you learn this one key

You'll be able to pee

And plop the seat down on your rear,

Because you've been trained,

Reprogrammed, ingrained

By those two words she taught you: "Yes, Dear!"

And you'll sit there and stew

As many men do

Wondering "why in the world am I here?"

But the answer is heard

In the peaceable word:

"Whatever you want" and "Yes, Dear!"