More Methodist Madness

Actually, I've written too many of these lately . . . but here's another ditty about the Methodist church. Enjoy.

Methodists

If you love to sing

Or hear bells when they ring

And you shake hands far more than you kiss,

Well, if this is your stance,

There's a pretty good chance

That, my friend, you're a Methodist.

And if you commune rarely

And give money (though barely)

And your Bible is oddly not missed,

And you've heard of John Wesley

Or boycotted Nestle

Then you're probably a Methodist.

If you drive a junk car

Rarely sit in a bar

And there's few things that make you feel pissed,

Though you follow the laws

There's still probable cause

To call you a Methodist.

Yes, some like John Calvin

Or Luther or Benen

And I could go on with the list . . .

But if you like boring meetings

And warm, friendly greetings

Then you're likely a Methodist.

And while others like Lent

Of the Council of Trent,

And you're pulled toward the pluralist,

Or while others preach hell

When you're feeling quite swell,

Then you're likely a Methodist.

If you know nothing of Barth

Or of Augustine's heart

And you're not a staunch dogmatist,

And you don't think it odd

To speak rarely of God

Then you're likely a Methodist.

And if you are quick

To comfort the sick

And you're just an idealist,

Of if you don't care

What your pastor might wear

Then you're likely a Methodist.

If most of your friends

Live by middle-class ends

And you know few philanthropists,

And you rarely feel guilty

Convicted or silly

Then you're likely a Methodist.

If you've got just enough

Of religion and stuff

But you're not a sensationalist

And you don't like the strange

Or the newfangled change

Then you're likely a Methodist.

If you like status-quo

And just go with the flow

But there's nothing to which you'd insist,

And you don't feel a slight

To the left or the right

Then you're likely a Methodist.

And finally, my friend,

If you know that you've sinned

But you're not a deep moralist,

Then you've likely deduced

That you've come home to roost

In the church of the Methodist.