Going To Jail

In a few hours I will be going to jail.  The patdown.  The security clearance.  The body-cavity check.  I can't wait.  It will be the first time I've been intimate in months.  I plan to bring a bouquet of roses for the occasion.

Going to the Marion County jail to lead a worship service brings back a great many memories.  When I was in college, I visited the Sullivan County jail every week (Thursday nights at 7 p.m . . . that was date night for me).  I wrote about a few of my jail-bait experiences in The Best Things in Life Are Free.

But going to jail now, I don't know what to expect.  I'm an older man.  My reaction time is slower and I don't run fast.  Anyone comes at me with a shiv, I'm probably going to get stuck. 

The only book I'll be carrying with me is the Bible.  The only protection, my prayers.  And every time I go behind the bars, I remember, "This ain't Mayberry" and "there but for the grace of God go I."

Makes me wonder if I'll have something to write about later.

PS . . . 25 points to anyone who can identify this Mayberry jail regular-offender.