Limericks

There was a time when I wrote limericks by the hundreds. I have a vast supply of them. But since the limerick of the bathroom wall is no longer appropriate, I've taken to writing "religious" limericks. Last night I took ten minutes and scrawled these on the back of a napkin. Hope you enjoy them.

A bishop from Saskatoon
Ordered drink in a forlorn saloon,
As he stretched out his ring
He was called on to sing
But his voice couldn’t carry a tune.

There once was a priest from Vermont
Who spoke in a long, flowing font
When asked if he’d try
To make apple pie
Said, I vood iv I cood but I kan’t.

There once were two deacons from Drew
Who sat every week in their pew
And heckled the priest
Who said, “Well at least
There aren’t any more than the two.”

A pastor from downtown French Lick
Developed a sporadic tick.
When she preached in her jeans
Some commented, “She seems
To be just like the rest of us hicks.”

Two brothers—a priest and liar—
Became tangled in a strand of barbed wire,
The liar tried prayer
And the priest cursed the air,
And between them they started a fire.

There once was a pastor named Todd
Who feasted on donuts and cod
But the church read his blog
And said, “He’s slipped his cog.
For a pastor he’s incredibly odd.”