Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Reading Tuna

Lately I've been reading a lot of labels on tuna fish cans. The reason? Our director of youth ministries made a bet with me that he could eat tuna on toast every day for lunch. I told him: if he's that insane, and if he could keep the streak alive, I'd buy his tuna.

He's that insane. Now he has cans of tuna stockpiled in his office. But I'm worried.

Did you know that a can of tuna contains 170 mg of salt if its water packed and that tuna has more mercury per square mg than any fish in the sea? Sure, you've got your protein, your low fat, your low carbs . . . but mercury?

Here's what's going to happen. Some time in August we will be watching the slow transformation of a bright young man into a walking thermometer. He will begin to glow in the dark and will suddenly be at risk to the visisitudes of temperature change. His hair will fall out. His scalp will begin to scale (I'm talking wrath of God, Armeggedon-type scaling). His eyes will bulge.

And that rancid fish smell you think is coming from the church office? Need I say more?

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