Last week I stopped by for a glance through the books and found some treasures . . . all first editions, no less, and mostly hardbacks.
I picked up John Grisham's, A Painted House and The Broker, and also slipped out of the store carrying three books for my wife, including one of Gail Sheehy's books on menopause. The woman at the register gave me a funny look, as if to ask, "Are you going through the change, buddy?" But I cut off this thought and made some comment about the weather. "It's a hot one, ain't it?" I said.
This, of course, only served to convince her that I might be having a hot flash. I dabbed at my brow, handed her a soggy twenty, and then added, "I've got an old wife at home."
This seemed to satisfy, but did raise the question that every man has asked at one time or another: How does a husband buy personal items for his wife?
Answer: Very carefully . . . and with great humility.
I'm not sure when I'll be returning to Goodwill to purchase more books. I think the cashier took my photo and placed it on the "Most Wanted" bulletin board. I think the workers who receive the donations are laughing at me. I see the way their eyes light up and the corners of their mouths crinkle. I may shop at Kohl's next month. I have, after all, plenty of underwear.
When I go back to Goodwill to peruse the book section, I'll be sure to purchase the kind of titles that will restore my reputation. Titles like:
Images of WWII
The Guide to Home Repair (for Men Only!)
Using Power Tools: Heavy Ones That Can Reduce Limbs to Pulp If You Are Not Careful
How to Reset a Toilet By Yourself (From the Macho Man Series of Time Life Books)
Lifting Extremely Heavy Objects Clean Up Over Your Head
Writing Love Poetry to Your Woman
Come to think of it . . . I may leave that last title off my list.
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