I've never commented on C-Span's Book TV . . . the show that features boring authors reading from their boring books in front of even less interesting audiences. I'm sorry, but even though I write books I just don't see how anyone who has a pulse (i.e. is alive!) could actually watch any of these book readings and discussions. I tried to watch once, but my wife called 911 because she thought I had died on the couch. My eyes had rolled back in my sockets and I was drooling. I mean, it was that boring, folks!
Sorry C-Span, but for the love of Job's Turkey, have you ever considered inviting an author onto this show who hasn't just walked off the movie set of Night of the Living Dead? Most of these authors sound like my grandfather . . . and he died five years ago. (May he rest in peace by watching more C-Span Book TV.)
And the book titles? Who really cares to read a book or hear a lecture about Adolph Hitler's Hummel Collection or a title like, Toenail Trimming in the Middle Ages? I swear, every time I watch for even a few minutes (and I frequently do watch for just a few minutes) the book titles are so esoteric and weird, they must have been published by some University Press run by drunk nuns or edited by ex-drummers from AC-DC. Is someone really going to purchase Candied Apple Recipes of the Ming Dynasty . . . and the Transvestites Who Eat 'Em?
I think not.
Let's have some life in this show, pleeeaaaassseee! How about booking David Sedaris? How about some Malcolm Gladwell? How about the Heath brothers?
Or better yet, how about me? I could bring my licorice collection. Lots of great stories there. And I'm pretty good in front of a live audience if C-Span would book me when I'm sober or not hungover on the high alcohol content in the day-old coconut donuts I consume by the boxes. Give me a subject, I'll address it.
Heck, I won't even stand behind that podium that's been greased with the fingerprints of all those boring authors.
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