Tax Time

Now that 2010 is nearly complete, it's time for writers everywhere to gather up those year-end royalty statements and prepare to pay the tax piper. Of course, only a very small percentage of writers actually have to worry about their tax liabilities, and when tax time rolls around, I can at least be grateful that Uncle Sam isn't going to get rich off my work. My books haven't sold diddly, and besides, I have given away all of the royalties I have received in 2010. My pockets are empty, and if the tax man cometh on April 15 asking for additional revenue, I can show him my pathetic royalty balance sheet and tell him to kiss my grits.

Not that a change of pace wouldn't be in order. In fact, I'd like to actually pay tax on my royalties one of these days. That would mean that my books actually sold copies and the publishers sent me cash in the form of a six-month-old faded check. Heck, what am I saying . . . I'd like to owe a lot of tax. I'd like for an IRS agent to audit me and ask the question: "So, Mr. Alleycat, where have you stashed the additional million you received from your book royalties?"

But as it stands now the only thing an IRS agent would ask is, "Are you really driving a 1991 Caprice station wagon with 175,000 miles on the odometer, and did you honestly go broke writing checks to Ball State and Indiana University in 2010?" An IRS agent might also take a look at my bank ledger and ask, "You call this a savings account?" There might also be a fair amount of laughter at such an audit and the IRS agent might accuse me of masquerading as a writer. Afterwards, the agent would feel sorry for my plight and buy me a beef taco.

I'm not complaining, though. I am grateful for many things, including the opportunity to write essays, articles, poems, and books . . . and a few of them actually good enough for publication. (In 2010, a very few!)

As for my total royalties in 2010, I'll just dump this chump change into my pickle jar and write a check for missions. That way, someone will benefit from my pathetic attempts, and I can return to the writing desk in 2011 with a clear conscience and a clean slate.