In the event there are other radio or television shows desiring to interview me about my latest book, let me first explain that my upcoming calendar is very full. I live by my calendar, and have many very important events that I must attend. So, I'll have to squeeze my interviews into the following:
July 20--Annual weenie roast at our house featuring Oscar Mayer (my Bologna has a "first name" too) and Bush's Baked Beans and Three-bean salad. With this many beans, I need three days to recover and get my digestive tract under control.
July 22--Attending Doobie Brothers Concert @ Verizon Wireless Center, less the doobie. I will, however, be smuggling in two Oreo cookies and a can of Pringles.
July 25--Beginning of family vacation in some small Michigan town. This vacation will extend for six days and will include singing "Old MacDonald" in the van, several fast-food stops, and various forays into the wild to find a hollow-stump port-o-let. Our family will try to make $257.89 stretch into eighteen meals and four one-day passes at an amusement park. If the wife and I have a private bedroom in the rental condo, we won't need the amusement park portion of the vacation package.
July 31--Return from family vacation with $1.27 and two pounds of beach sand covering the floorboards of the van. Package sand and sell it for $2.00 to the kids next door or put it in the cat's litterbox as recyclable material.
August 4--Annual check-up with family doctor whereby he (a) checks prostate (b) makes comment on how secure I seem in my manhood while he is checking my prostate and (c) would I like to have a drink with him later?
August 5--Spend day in bed because I can't walk from having my prostate checked. Consider giving the doc a call for drinks later.
As you can see, my calendar is loaded . . . and I hope this tiny peek into the my busy and fun-filled life will give television and radio producers pause before they call me.
No comments:
Post a Comment