Last week I received an email from an editor who requested my author photo and a twenty-five word biography to go with my article. Twenty-five words? How can I summarize a life as full and audacious as mine in twenty-five words? NOT!
Actually, I'm glad this editor requested such a short bio. I never know what to write in these crazy things . . . but I'm always eager for an opportunity to tell the truth about myself. So, I sat down this week and spun out these various biographical haikus. Next time an editor writes for a twenty-five word tag-line biography . . . I'll be ready.
(And for those of you who don't know, a haiku is a Japanese poetic form consisting of a total of 17 syllables, three lines, with 5-7-and 5 syllables respectively per line. Go ahead . . . count 'em . . . you know you are curious!)
TODD'S BIOGRAPHICAL HAIKUS
Todd Outcalt is a
Warped and frustrated writer
Who is a loser.
He lost his marbles
Before he lost his virgin-
ity to Becky.
He has lost at life
And drives a fleet of crap cars.
Wanna buy one, now?
Although he has made
Many books, none have been any
good . . . so help me, God!
No one reads his books
And they sit on dusty shelves
Like dog poop on curbs.
Amazingly, though,
You want to publish this piece:
Another loser.
And for this, he says,
"Thank you!" You made his freakin'
day accepting him.
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