Ode To Aaron Reuben

Pssssttt. Pssstttt. Over Here! (Floyd the Barber acting as head of his posse).

Did you know that Aaron Reuben died this week? He was the long-time producer of The Andy Griffith Show, the most important television program of all-time. In order to celebrate the many gifts that Reuben gave through this show, I have taken a few minutes to write him an Ode (what is an Ode anyway?).

To Aaron Reuben

Thank you for giving us Aunt Bea's smile,

And Opie, and Otis, and Gomer Pyle,

For "fibberty-gibbit" and "Shazam!"

For "Nip-it" and Helen's Leg-of-lamb.

You made a star of Barney Fife

And Thelma Lou (though she weren't his wife) . . .

A whole dang town that never had sex

(But something always happened next)

Still, on the show Andy kissed a lot,

But Helen was a teacher and not real hot:

We got the idea they were written in tether,

Though not a single show where they slept together.

Like Lucy and Ricky, and Dick Van Dyke,

There were separate beds, though they had a tyke:

"Little Ricky" for Lucy and "Richie" for Dick,

(Giving birth without sex was rather slick)

No single episode with a drug or a whore,

(Though men often dreamed of Tyler Moore).

Perchance women thought Andy had a tight a**

But who's makin' out with Earnest T. Bass?

Yes I know some will say that this Ode is mean

But I can't count the number I've seen

Of each episode, trailer and dialogue,

(Though most people think I've slipped a cog)

But really, Mr. Reuben, I wanna give thanks

That I've known Don Knotts as well as Tom Hanks,

That my life has been richer because of Floyd,

And I've had Goober to fill the void

Of those lonely nights when my wife was away

Attending a class (hey, what can I say?)

I watch Andy Griffith to pass the hours.

Believe me it's better than taking cold showers.

My kids are like Opie, my wife like Charlene,

And I quote every episode I've ever seen

Reminding them daily that life is a smile

And hope they'll visit with me awhile

In Mayberry or inside the Fix-it Shop

Or watch episodes until we drop.

Thanks, Mr. Reuben, I'm on my knees

In gratitude. May you rest in peace!