In recent weeks, I've attended several workshops and training sessions designed to make me a better human being. I have returned to Kindergarten, and have appreciated the advice offered to me on how I should tie my shoes, blow my nose, and say, "thank you." Always, after each training session, I've been asked to fill out a piece of paper that says something like "Give us your feedback" or "Tell us if we wasted your time."
So . . . let me offer some of my opinions here for the good of the whole show so that others might learn too and be edified.
Q: What did you enjoy most about this training session?
A: Definitely the snack bar. Loved the little granola bars with raisins in 'em. The coffee . . . ? I should have stuck with the orange juice and the bottled water. Oh, and the little M & M game we played at table . . . great touch. Ate my education.
Q: What did you enjoy least about this training session?
A: I'd say the length. Actually, I consider myself a fast learner and I can usually pick up information in three minutes. I don't really need four hours to get in touch with my feelings. I can tell you if I hate the workshop after thirty seconds.
Q: What will you take away from this training session?
A: A pocketful of mixed nuts, which I will eat on the drive home. Probably a bottle of water.
Q: What suggestions do you have for future training sessions?
A: Let's not.
Q: What other training would be helpful to you?
A: Believe it or not, I don't know how to use a jig saw. But they look fascinating to me. I could imagine myself making puzzles, or Christmas gifts for distant relatives (triangles and stuff). In lieu of this, I'd opt for training as a certified electrical engineer. I encounter a lot of electrical problems in the church and holy nosebleed, it would be a great help to be able to fix these problems myself. This would save mega bucks, too, and the training would come in handy so I would not electrocute myself or fry off a couple of fingers. Finally, I guess I should mention that training on my cell phone would really be helpful. I still can't respond to my son's text messages (how the **** do you work the keyboard?) and I'll be dogged if I have the foggiest notion how to Twit. I'm just now learning how to log into the computer with my password and now I have to learn all of this new stuff, too. I can't keep up. Let me tell you . . . that's why pastors are dropping like flies. Our intellects can only handle so much at a time, and I'm still trying to figure out the book of Ecclesiastes. Who wrote that thing? Not Solomon, I'll bet. Well . . . and any training on anger management would also be helpful. I know people who would use it.
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