Press Release

With every new book comes a press release. Though, it would be nice if authors didn't have to help write a new release for each book published. How about going with something generic and exciting? You know, a real pack of lies? In my case, I'd be perfectly fine with circulating this one to the New York Times Book Review.

Have you ever wanted to read a book written by a Hoosier author? (Okay, of course not, but bear with us here while we try to market this baby.) Well, but you will want to read Mr. Allycat's newest book. This book contains two covers and about 300 pages. There are words in there. And if you can still read this press release . . . if you are tired of Twitter and texting and really want to get back to some good old-fashioned paragraphs . . . well, then, you'll want to hustle on down to your local bookstore and buy a gross. Ask for your readers discount (most stores will give 10% off to people who can still read)! You'll want to give copies to your coworkers, your ex, hey, even your Aunt Matilda. You gotta see this book to believe it. And if for any reason you discover that you have the reading attention-span of a gnat or the reading comprehension of a mildly-trained Pomeranian, well . . . you can always use Mr. Allycat's books to light your fireplace. And listen, it really helps if, after you purchase Mr. Allyecat's book, you stop by your local pharmacy and pick up your prescription meds. Prozac goes well with Mr. Alleycat's books. But listen, don't let us talk you into shelling out $14.95 for this puppy. Here's what others have to say about this new book:

If you're only going to read one book in your lifetime, make it this one!

(Elmira Hornswaller, Outback, Indiana)

All my husband used to think about was his chain saw, and then he read Alleycat's book. He's a new man now, and two of his fingers are healing up nicely.

(Mrs. Ralph Money, Aspen, Indiana)

I never thought a book could be so beautifully written . . . and you should see the photo of the author!

(Todd's mom)

It's like March Madness, BABY! This is a real PTP'er of a book, BABY!

(Dick Vitale)