Foreword

Some years ago, I heard a writer say, "You know you have arrived when the publisher hires someone to write a 'Foreword' to your book." Well, I don't know about that, but later this fall I will have a third book published in 2009. And that book will have a Foreword written by an expert . . . and expert touting me, and my ideas, and my book. It's all so mesmerizing.

I read the Foreword for the first time last week, and it goes something like this:

Mr. Outcalt has written the quintessential book for youth ministry in our time. This book is the greatest thing since bread was sliced and cut into little cubes for communion. The ideas you'll find in these pages are so astounding . . . believe me, you'll pee your pants. You won't be able to contain yourself. After you read this book, people will want to commit you to a loony bin . . . you'll be that excited. And folks, I'm an expert. I've actually been committed!

But Mr. Outcalt needs your help. For a mere $12.95, you can help a starving writer like him earn a decent wage. Otherwise, he's hurling fries when he turns 65. Breaking your book purchase down, that's only 5 cents a page. That's right, for 5 cents a page you can help Mr. Outcalt purchase bare essentials like deodorant, a Sham-Wow, and perhaps one or two donuts. He needs your help. And surely, even a busy youth leader like yourself can spare a few nickels. Have you checked under the sofa cushions in the youth lounge?

So please, for the love of God . . . buy this book. I mean, look at the dude. He's languishing people. In a few years, he won't even be able to tie his own shoe laces or remember his middle name. So, won't you help? Don't make me call Sally Struthers. I know you can do it. Thank you.