Author Bio

This past week I was invited to submit some of my work to a new web site that supposedly pairs work authors with editors. It's a new service that is designed to speed up the process of finding outlets for authors and helps editors find the work they need to fill magazine pages. (Novel concept, but something tells me this won't work.)

Anyway . . . I also had to submit an author bio. I never know what to say about myself. And if I told the truth about who I am (and who most people know me to be) I'm sure no editor would want to give my business a second look. Still, truth-telling is something I like to excell at, so I've tried to write a bio that is both truthful, balanced, fair, and well, maybe a touch boastful.

I haven't submitted this yet, but I'd like to know how many of you would want to read something written by an author like this:

Todd Outcalt is a native Hoosier who has never worn women's clothing. He is a pastor who also writes copious amounts of "stuff" that he enjoys sending along to unsuspecting editors like you. His hobbies include kayaking, yakking with friends, and feeding his pet yak. He's written something like seventeen books and a few hundred articles, which is astounding when you consider he operates on half a brain and creates his words on a 1998 Dell Computer that has more electrical shorts than J. Edgar Hoover. His wife is a dumplin' and he fathered two children during blackouts in the early 1990's. Give him a call, he would love to write for your magazine or speak at your next Bar Mitzvah party. References are available upon request, or you can call Todd's seventy-year-old mom, who will give you the full scoop.