Seminary

Over the past two years I've read a plethora of books and articles about the crisis of seminaries in the United States. There are dozens of seminaries nearing bankrupcy, and many more are on the ropes and flaudering not only for lack of students, but from the high costs of staying afloat and keeping the doors open. In one recent issue of the Christian Century there were dozens of seminaries mentioned that we going to be closing their doors, melding into larger universities, or recasting their vision into a more informal model of pastoral training.

This last option has always interested me. What if, for example, our congregation were to become a training ground for theological students (who would learn hands-on, but also take online courses or travel a few weeks out of the year to a larger university for courses in Bible, theology, Church history, etc.)?

I could certainly see my role changing here. Why, I could be teaching these students so many things about parish life! For example:

How do you decide which color to paint the office? (Go with eggshell or opt for tangerine?)

What is the proper way to fold a stole so that it doesn't show a crease?

What is the proper method for jiggling a toilet handle in the men's room when it won't stop running?

What is the proper response when someone calls in to ask, "Do you perform exorcisms on cats?"

When the bishop calls and asks if you will serve on the Blue Ribbon Task Force For Burned Out Clergy West of Keystone Avenue, how do you gracefully decline, citing a lack of expertise and pointing out that you feel a rash of funerals coming on and that, in actuality, you are getting a rash from eating too many bananas and not drinking enough water?

A mind is a terrible thing to waste . . . and a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. I should know.