The Geisha and Me

For some reason, I typed in my own name in a Google search this week and was astounded to get 18,500 hits on the internet containing my name. My blog, incidently, came up fourth, so it must be rising in popularity. Thanks for reading.

But I was most astounded to find my name attached to a book entitled: Sex Secrets of an American Geisha: How to Attract, Satisfy, and Keep Your Man.

Well, here's the thing, I've never been sexually attracted to men, and the only Geisha connection I could imagine was from reading Memoires of a Geisha (what, five years ago when it was on the NY Times Bestseller List?) Evidently, the Geisha book contains a quote from my book, Before You Say "I Do", but in what context, I couldn't say.

Still, I wondered how any of my writings could be interpreted in this light . . . so I asked my wife, who does a fairly good job of keeping me satisfied. Here are her secrets, ladies.

If you want to keep your man satisfied, do his laundry. Undies, particularly. I don't iron. Never have. She wants me to look nice, she's got to pick out the clothes, too. A man also needs to be worshipped by the woman he loves. My wife worships me. Always has. Ask her (no, wait! . . .) Finally, a new bar of soap really moves things along. I can't get to my armpits when I'm washing with a piece of soap the size of a tic-tac. Soap is important. If it's there, I'll even remember to shave. She thinks that's important.

That's the secret. Give and take. Mutual understanding. Geisha style.