Friday, January 31, 2014

Predictions for 2064

Isaac Asimov's autobiography, I, Asimov, is a book that I have read numerous times.  My copy is tattered.  Torn.  Coffee stained.

Back in 1964, Asimov wrote an essay in which he offered his predictions about 2014.  Although Asimov was looking ahead fifty years (to our current year) his essay includes some uncanny, "spot on", ideas that are now clearly a part of our every-day lives.

For example, Asimov believed fifty years ago that we would have hand-held, personal devices that would allow us to talk to (and see) people on the other side of the world.

He also predicted the U.S. and world populations (both with astounding accuracy). 

He predicted inter-active entertainment via screen technology.  And also believed that, while there would be many unmanned missions to Mars, the ability to put a person on the red planet would still be eluding us in 2014 (he believed the technology would be there, but we would not yet have solved the problems inherent in the human equation.)  All true.

Now, I'm not a smart man . . . but I thought I'd offer 10 Predictions for 2064.  Might make some people mad, or afraid, but I'm really just trying to help folks here.

Prediction #1:  I will be dead.

Prediction #2:  My son will be 70, very much alive, and will be retired and existing on small bags of black licorice while living in a trailer down by the river.

Prediction #3:  My wife will be dead.

Prediction #4:  My daughter will be 74, retired, and will bring flowers to my grave on the odd-numbered years.  She will refer to me as, "Your Majesty."

Prediction #5: Most of my friends will be dead.

Prediction #6: I will have died in the gym at the age of 100 while trying to complete the eighth rep of a 400-lb bench press.

Prediction #7: My wife will celebrate my passing by throwing a huge "Life Insurance Party" at the Sleepy Dale Retirement Village.  This party will include booze and Chippendale's dancers.

Prediction #8:  The Important Collected Works of Todd Outcalt will be posthumously published in 2064.  The book will be 24 pages in length and will consist primarily of cartoon illustrations drawn by a middle-school art student.

Prediction #9: My wife will contribute the Foreword to the Collected Works, in which she will admit that we didn't have sex until our wedding night but everything was "wild and woolly after that".

Prediction #10: Both of my children will write memoirs in 2065 and will actually make money from these tell-all books.

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