Last week I was invited by my former literary agent to submit a resume and personal vitae. She now deals exclusively with ghostwriting, which is one of the fastest growing publishing ventures. Who uses ghostwriters? More people than you can imagine. Nearly all political autobiographies, celebrity books, and high-profile television and movie personalities (and now high-profile pastors and religious leaders) use ghostwriters to produce their wares. Few could write a coherent sentence, I'm sure . . . and others simply don't have the time or the talent to produce anything with the written word. Hence, other people write their books, but they get to have their names plastered on the cover.
I'm not knocking this growth trend . . . as my former agent said, "You'd be surprised at what a ghostwriter can make from producing a sappy book for a celebrity or a politician. And all you have to do is churn out some drivel in a week and then keep your mouth shut."
Where do I sign up?
Based on her assessment and expertise in this field, I have a feeling I would make an excellent ghostwriter. After all, I know how to keep a confidence (I know thousands of secrets), and I have been turning out my own drivel for decades. Any celebrity or politician or big-name pastor out there who needs a 300 page book written in a week . . . I'm your man! I've read my share of these titles, and I know I can write that well!
But, just in case there are some celebrities out there who might need a jump start on a title, let me suggest a few I've been working on. Select from the following and I can have the book delivered to your door in ten days, tops . . . and I'll even spellcheck the darn thing for you!
You Ain't Much Now, But You Can Be Really Great Tomorrow
Butterfly Kisses . . . and Ten Other Methods Of Showing Your Appreciation to Your Boss
I Pastor A Really Large Church . . . And Have the Following Ideas I'd Like You to Read but Don't Have Time to Write
Just Another Vampire Book
Another Zombie Book
Mowing Three Acres With a Push Mower . . . and 101 Other Ways to Burn 1000 Calories
The Big Fancy Church Donut Book . . . Which Ones to Grab When Worship Lets Out
Kayaking in Three Inches of Water . . . and Other Dumb Things I Have Attempted
Ten Ways to Tell Your Wife You Won't Read Her Dumb Termpaper
Ghostwriting Made Easy