More Bio

And . . . since an author must always have more than one bio on hand (just in case the publisher needs something else) here's another humble approach to the proverbial question: What does an author write about himself?

Todd Outcalt is, without doubt, the Biggest Loser. He has written twenty books, none of which have turned a profit, and most of his books are no longer available accept in used stores like Half-Priced Books. He has lost in many ways. In 1985 he lost his virginity to Becky. This was a year and a half into their marriage, and since then, Todd has had whoopie some twenty-five times with this woman. This has resulted in two run-of-the-mill kids and a promissory note from his peri-menopausal wife who often asks, "Is it hot in here, or are you making me feel that way?" He has also lost at backgammon, chess, and nearly every conceivable sporting event, including ring-toss. Todd has also lost forty-percent of his pension, and he frequently loses bets to the dog. He once lost forty pounds preparing for a bodybuilding competition, but gained this weight back in one week eating glazed donuts after his last place finish. He continues to write on a fifteen year-old-computer that frequently belches fire and he would love to complete at least one more book on it before it explodes. He is available for speaking engagements on Handling a Losing Streak, Are You at Loser, Too?, and Your Loser Inside . . . Ten Steps to Discover What You Can't Be.