Sunday, June 15, 2008

Dad's Card

Yes, I sent my father a Dad's day card. Early last week. I was on top of it. I even purchased a card for my father-in-law, so hey, that should tell you what kind of son-in-law I am. Only the purest. The best. I know where my inheritance is coming from.

Okay, but it's tough finding just the right card. So many sappy poems for Dad, and none of them really express the essence of my father.

So, this one's for you, Eddie. Have a laugh.

Dad, I'll never forget
that you were the one who taught me
how to use a miter saw and a level.
You also taught me how to fix SPAM,
and how to drink pickle juice straight from the jar.
Tough love. That's you!
But dude, really, you're a great dad.
You gave me all this intelligence,
Taught me about women (remember the talk at camp Foget-a-boutit?)
Amazing, you've put up with mom for all these years!

Dad, I'm saying it now . . .
If you ever get the gout or a goiter the size of a football on your neck,
You can live with me.
I've got a basement.

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