Nite Lite

Late last night I found myself writing my author bio for an upcoming piece that will be published in a nature magazine.  But I was asked to write my biography in the unique style of the magazine (one sentence notwithstanding), including references to the waterways and flora and fauna that surround me.

Well, that's not exactly difficult . . . seeing as how I live on White Lick Creek and encounter beaver, red fox, deer, muskrats, coyote, and raccoons on a regular basis.  I also attempted to portray my wife as a wild animal (foxy?) and my children as goats (kids?).

I was thankful, too, that the editor seemed so welcoming to my work and was open to receiving more of what I had to offer.  (I'm not sure what I have to offer, but do plan to submit more.)

In the event the editor wants a biography that's much wilder, I thought I'd allow her to choose from either of these.

Todd Outcalt is a wild man who could (if he chose) live off the four-and-a-half acres of grass that his son mows, complete with peach trees, apple trees, walnuts, mulberries, and plenty of animal carcases that he finds along the roadside where he and his wife frequently recline under the stars.

OR

Todd Outcalt is not your average nature-lover, as he frequently wears a suit and tie and rarely eats anything without preservatives, despite the fact that his son is a health-nut who chides him for drinking diet colas and eating piles of donuts.

Most of these editors seem to have a good sense of humor.  They must have something if they want to work with me.