Friday, June 8, 2012

More Limericks for Annual Conference

In the event my first installment of limericks did not satisfy your appetite for annual conference fun . . . here's a second helping.  Limericks, of course, are often regarded as base and dirty . . . and they can be.  
But in the event you don't like these limericks, don't blame me.  I only write 'em.  I don't read 'em. 

I also include this disclaimer before you read and would ask that you sign your name below if you plan to partake of this fare:

DISCLAIMER:  I ________ (your fake name here) hereby affirm that I will not hold this Methodist pastor (Todd Outcalt) responsible for any emotional or psychological trauma that I experience from reading these warped limericks.  I accept full responsibility for reading them and will not hold him responsible, although God only knows why his wife laughs at his stupid jokes.  I also agree that, if I read them, that I will not hold the author responsible for any outcome they may produce, including but not limited to: a slight feeling of discomfort when I am near the bishop, conflicted thoughts regarding whether I should find these humorous or politically correct, or an insatiable desire to visit the Cokesbury table to locate copies of the author's books. 


A pastor who went by the Book
Shot his wife a bold, feverish look.
But she said, "It's a sin
To give me that grin
And I'm not letting you off the hook!"

When John Wesley rode among folk
He was frequently tired and quite broke
But when Asbury said,
"Ordain me instead!"
Wesley told him, "No!  I prefer Coke."

A bishop who bished 90 years
Lived so long that he outlived his peers
He refused to retire
So they bronzed him entire
And the whole conference had a few beers.

A pastor who majored in Barth
Created her sermons as art
But when she ate beans
She would split at the seams
And stand at the pulpit and  . . . (sing How Great Thou Art).

Some pastors don't like limericks
But regard them as foul, dirty tricks.
But there still are a few
(And maybe that's YOU)
Who can read them to get a few kicks.

No comments: