Writing on Air

Last year I told my wife that I was going to write an article for a fitness magazine about mattresses. "What in the world do you know about mattresses?" she wanted to know.

"I was born on one," I said. "As a teen I made love to the mattress for upwards of twelve hours a day. And you know how well I perform on one now."

"It will never work," she said. "You're no expert."

Great...but I go down to the local mattress store to do some research and to get a few quotes from the people who work there. The manager--a fresh-faced guy with dimples--looked at me rather suspiciously when I told him what I was doing. "Who are you again?" he asked a dozen times. "I'm writing an article on mattresses for a fitness magazine," I told him. He looked me over, wondering how the word "fitness" could be assosiated with the likes of me. I held my gut in while he told me: "I'll be up front if you have any questions."

I lie down on a beauty, select my "sleep number", and drift off. Forty-five minutes later the manager wakes me. "Sir," he says, "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to put your shirt back on. We don't allow bare-back tryouts in the showroom. I think you can understand."

"Just trying to get a real-life feel for this baby," I said. Later, he tells me how the mattresses work and I'm spellbound. I get me three quotes. I write the article for the big fitness publication. The editor loves it.

When I get paid I go down the gym and renew my fitness membership. Every month I make my wife read the article.