Some years ago, E.L. Doctorow (author of Billy Bathgate, Ragtime, and The Waterworks) noted that writing a sick note to a child's teacher can often be the most challenging test of a writer's skills. It's difficult to say what you mean, and mean what you say, when you have only a few words (kind of like blogging). I felt this way last week when I tried to write a sick note for my son, explaining his absence due to a 24-hour flu bug.
First try: "Dear Teach...please excuse my son's absence due to the Hong Kong flu..."
Second try: "Actually, I'm not sure it was Hong Kong, it could have been that rancid Kentucky bug that's going around..."
Third try: "Dear Teacher, I am painfully sorry to inform you that my son will be unable to take your quiz today: Review of American History from 1770-1945 and Memories of Ike, he claims to be ill."
Fourth try on back of used envelope with bird stamp: "To Whom It May Concern: During my son's recent illness, I stayed by his bedside all night and we reviewed all fourteen chapters of his social studies assignments while he threw up, periodically, in a bucket. He'll be back in your class tomorrow eager to retake his test."
Final version: "If you get this note, give me a call. I'll explain everything."
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