Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Date Me

It's official.  On May 8, 2014, I'll be leading another writing class.  (Location: our Indiana Conference office complex, 9 a.m. -3 p.m.)

Cost: A bargain basement price which includes a Panera Bread catered lunch. 

Who:  Anyone who enjoys writing, has a writing project in tow, or anyone who has nothing better to do.

As a preview, here are just a few of the nuggets participants will receive.

Luxurious Presentation Room
     This fully-operational board room comes standard with carpeting and painted walls and is loaded with lots of extras including drop-lighted ceiling, portable desks, and padded chairs free of chewing gum.

Spacious Bathrooms
     A mere fifty yards down the corridor from the Presentation Room, these restrooms are fully loaded with paper towels and toilet paper (I'm talking plush). Don't sit down unless you have to . . . otherwise, you'll never want to leave.  Each restroom is fully operational and is "echo-free".  Designated "male" and "female" rooms are also a plus, meaning you won't have to mingle in some cut-rate "unisex" option.

Free Index Cards
     Each participant will receive a free index card courtesy of the presenter.  Although this is a highly-secretive procedure, each participant can be assured of receiving one.  Complementary.

Helpful Writing Tips
     This presentation comes fully-loaded, and will answer your most important and pressing writing questions such as:

* What happens if I fall asleep while writing and electrocute myself via salivating on the keyboard?

* What are the most effective ways to write underwater?

* What if my spouse continues to interrupt me while I am writing?  Is this grounds for divorce?  And if so, can you recommend a decent lawyer?

* What happens after I've written a 500-page novel?  Should I burn it?

* In order to project the most "writerly" image, what breed of dog would you recommend I have stuffed and mounted in my office?

* What steps should I take if, by becoming so engrossed in my work, I soil myself?

* How much can I expect to earn from selling my essay entitled, "Everyday Art:  How to Weave Dust Balls, Dryer Lint, and Month-Old Celery Into Priceless Works"?

* Can I get my money back if you stink?

I do hope to see YOU at the writing workshop.  Sign up soon at


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