My "New" Author Profile

Recently I've noted that many authors have been padding their profiles with information about "works in progress." For example, last month I read one magazine essay that included an author profile that included the phrase, "He is currently working on a novel." And another profile read, "She hopes to publish a short story collection and is working on a biography."

This is news to me. Or perhaps call me Old-Fashioned. But do I really care about the potential writing that an author might produce, or what an author could write if he gets lucky and bags a contract? Such coulda-woulda-shoulda profiling strikes me as presumptuous and day-dreamish. Naturally, for an author under contract . . . yes, I do like to know that David Sedaris is finishing a book that will be published in March of 2012. That's actual news, real stuff. It's going to happen. But writers who feel obligated to tell me about what they hope to write? It's not real. Tell me about it after you've succeeded and the check is in the mail.

Nevertheless, I do feel obligated to let people know that if this new trend is catching, I fully intend to play it to the hilt. So . . . here's what people ought to know about me:

Todd Outcalt is currently working on projects that make his wife very excited. In 2011 he intends to write something she will actually read. Mr. Outcalt has written many books, sure, but who reads 'em? I mean, really? That's why he is excited to formally announce that he intends to write a new novel in 2011. He will write this novel a) if he has nothing better to do b) if he can drink enough coffee c) if enough people write to him requesting this novel. Basically, you can expect to see the same old crap from this guy in 2011, but watch for some really amazing s*** in 2012. It will take him a year to wrap his head around the concepts, and to prepare his office for the heavy workload of writing 50 pages a day, but he intends to do this. Really, he's going to do it. He means it this time! And don't forget to buy copies of this authors backlist. He's got several books that make fantastic shems for those shorter table legs and one or two of his books burn like sagebrush if you need kindling for your fireplace. Anway, he's going to write some new stuff in 2011 and he just wanted you to know about it.