The Seasoned Writer's Conference

According to a recent advertisement for my May 8th Writer's Seminar (9-3 p.m.) I am a "seasoned author" who will provide insights into the art and business of writing.  I like that word "seasoned" . . . it reminds me that I need to sweat more (salty), cook more (paprika), and often roll myself in butter (along with basil and garlic).  Still, if there are those who want to bring their own seasoning to this writer's conference, I promise to make it worth your while.

People often ask me:  What will happen at your writer's conference?

Answers:

1. We will have a good thyme.
    Participants will smell the aroma of fresh-baked words while they are cooking up their essays and chapters.

2. The recipe for the Colonel's 7-Secret Herbs and Spices will be revealed.
    So, don't be a chicken and opt-out.  Plan to participate.  Wing on down to the conference offices. Break a leg.  You'll learn that you must have a thick skin to be a writer.  And if you are looking toward publication (and how-to) I'll provide a big bucket of information.

3. You'll learn how to spice up your writing.
    In other words, you will learn how to take your writing up a notch, how to keep the writing simmering. 

Other questions and answers include:
Q: Will a meal be provided with my registration fee ($20)?
A:  Yes, you can even have a chicken sandwich.

Q: Do you really know what you are doing when it comes to writing?
A:  No.

Q:  Is there anything you can teach me?
A:  Yes, if you are teachable. 

Q:  Will I be the only person taking this seminar?
A:  Perhaps, but won't it be delightful if it's just you and me?  Think of all that food!

Q: Can I bring some of my writing for you to look at?
A:  Absolutely!  Bring some Italian herbs for the sandwiches, too.

Q: Will taking this seminar turn me into a best-selling author, whereby I can retire from my job as a sausage-stuffer, move to the Caribbean, and produce rave-reviewed books while sipping Margaritas on the beach?
A:  Hey, what do you think?  Look at what writing and publishing 30 books has done for me!