Monday, June 3, 2013


I'm not sure what it means, but this blog recently reached the 80,000 "views" milestone . . . meaning, I suppose, that I should change my underwear, replace the ten-cent washer in my 13-year old computer, and rotate my tires.  Obviously, many of these views are from the same eight people--each of whom have visited this blog 10,000 times--but 80,000 is nothing to sneeze at.

Over the years folks have asked, "What, exactly, is your blog about?"

So, here at the 80,000-hit mark, let me review:

Shameless Self-Promotion
     This blog is meant to advertise all of my writing endeavors, including past book titles, works-in-progress, and my new upcoming book projects.  In essence, this is where people come first to decide that I haven't yet written anything worthy of reading and that, even in Kindle format, there's no way they would shell out $2.99 for any book with my name on the cover.
     But that's the reason I continue to write this blog:  I need the $8.45 I earn each month from book royalties and magazine payment so that I can purchase expensive black licorice and buy my wife fake diamonds.  First and foremost this blog allows me to survive in the screen-saver jungle of publishers and editors.  Without this blog, and the revenue it produces for me, I would not be able to send my son to a junior college or purchase a subscription to Blog Writers magazine. You see my dilemma . . . and that's why I thank you for reading and for purchasing my products, such as my Wham-O Letter-Opener.

Writing Updates
     Many people read this blog for the humor it provides, especially when I am working on a very serious book project about a very serious subject and people want to see how deeply I am floundering.  People read this blog to watch me drown--which in certain countries, such as Kentucky, is a spectator sport.
     I do attempt to give my eight readers regular updates about the hundreds of magazine articles, essays, poems, and book proposals I am sending out each month . . . and hope that they will weep with me when these are returned with an editorial note which reads:  Is this for real?

Deep Thoughts About Other Writing
     I also review books here, sharing my deepest thoughts about other titles. Some of these deep thoughts have included:

     If a book falls from a library shelf in the forest, and there is no one there to hear it, should it be removed from the Dewey Decimal System?

     If I were the last reader on earth, and the world was on the brink of nuclear annihilation, would I purchase this book at full price from Barnes & Noble or wait for it to come out in paperback?

     When people dog-ear a page in a book, do they realize what they are doing or should we just shoot them on sight?

     If a worm begins eating through a 1001-page book from page one, and the worm eats two pages a second, how long will it take for the worm to eat through the dust jacket and the Dr. Phil blurb on the back cover?

     If a politician can't read or write, but still gets elected, how long would it take for a ghostwriter to write that politician's biography and could it be completed before the next election?

     If two writers meet in a dark alley, and one writes steamy romances with titles like Lilly-White Thighs and Heaving Breasts and the other writes Kung-Fu novels, who would likely win a steel-cage death match if they were pitted against each other in a winner-take-all prize for the hand of Brad Pitt? 

Even Stranger Thoughts
     Why am I writing this blog when I could be writing a book about Needle-point Art Created by Sailors on Air Craft Carriers or Ten Steps You Need to Take for Pre-Planning Your Own Funeral:  Including the Homily, Which You Can Record On YouTube Before You Die.



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