Thursday, December 1, 2011


December always brings me a few fan letters (or, in this modern age, fan emails or fan Facebook entries) . . . and so I thought I'd share a few of the more inspiring ones that I have recently received.  That's what this blog is all about, after all: inspiration.  That, and a purpose for living.  If you have neither, I'm afraid this blog won't be of help to your condition.  (See "hopeless" in the dictionary.)

But in the event you want some holiday cheer, here are a few of the testimonials that have brought cheer to me (along with my responses).

Dear Mr. Outcalt, how can I order copies of your books? Sincerely, Edna
You can't.  Most of my books are out of print, and the few that are still in print are nearly unreadable. But I don't know why you'd want to read them. Most people find me a bore.  But if you must have a copy, Edna, why don't you send me your cash and I'll scrounge around in my closet and send you a dusty copy of something I wrote a decade back.  If I can't find one of my books, I'll send you a copy of James Patterson or John Grisham.  Thanks for writing.

Dear Mr. Outcalt, just wanted you to know that I enjoy your blog.  It's a hoot. Bob
Well, Bob, thanks a heap. As you can see, I put a bunch of work into this thing every day.  I'm up most nights just thinking about it.  I rise long before dawn to gather my thoughts and make coffee. And then I write the first thing that pops into my head.  Like mothballs (just now!) or imperialism (just occurred to me) or why can't they make a good zipper for blue jeans? (I just thought of that one).  If you think my blog is a hoot, you should see me in action with my wife.  She laughs non-stop.  And I ain't even trying to be funny in the bedroom.  

Dear Between Pages Owner:  Please change the password setting on your Blogger account as we've reformatted the whole shebang.  We've been getting complaints.  Blogger.
Who is this?  Mom?  

Dear Mr. Outcalt: I really enjoy your sense of humor. It brightens my day and has kept me sane for the past year. (Anonymous)
First, I'm glad you have found sanity among my insanity.  Kind of an oxymoron isn't it?  Do you know this word: oxymoron?  I like saying it.  Try it.  It will keep you sane.  

Dear Mr. Outcalt, thanks for reviewing my book on Between Pages.  One of the more unique reviews I've run across.  Sincerely, (R.W.)
Glad you enjoyed my review of your excellent book.  I'm just appreciative of the fact that I can read English and hold a job.  I write lots of book reviews, by the way . . . some of them serious.  Really serious.  So serious that these are usually published in magazines that cater to heart attacks and various liver diseases.  Still, it's a difficult job and someone has to do it.  Next time I write a book, you can review my copy.  How's that for a trade-off?  (You'll also owe me $4.95 for postage and handling.)     

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