Last week, when I made my way to Hallmark to find a card for Mom, I was astounded at the choices. But I did manage to find a card that perfectly expressed what I wanted to say to my mother. It was great. But I did pass up a few other cards such as these:
Mom,
I'd like to say that you are a rare flower,
A sweet rose, a delicate petunia,
But we both know there is nothing delicate about a mother's love.
Like that time you took me out behind the woodshed,
Made me lower my pants, and beat my legs with a hickory switch.
Mom, I was twenty-seven and you proved you could still whup me.
I loved you for that, and always will.
Mom,
You've always been like an old pirate to me:
Giving me just enough rope to hang myself,
Your bad eye rolling around in its socket beneath the patch,
Your good eye keeping constant vigil over my life,
Making me walk the gangplank of your love.
I love you always . . . Aaarrrrrgggghhhh.
Mom,
I'm the man I am today
(Successful, loaded, a builder of dreams and so good-looking
I make all other women swoon)
Because of your love . . .
Keep up the good work, Ma!
I'll never give you a pink slip, you know that.
Let's get together some time for lunch.
Call me!
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