Wednesday, March 14, 2012


An editor at an outdoor sporting magazine recently handed me the following assignment: to write about fishing for smallmouth bass.  I completed the assignment late Monday night.

Again, my wife was skeptical.  "What do you know about fishing for smallmouth bass?" she asked.

"Look, sweetheart," I told her, "I grew up around fish.  Some of them I knew by name.  I've got fishing in my blood."

"You haven't fished for years," she reminded me.  "And if you tried to cast a line now, you'd throw your back out of alignment."

"Nevertheless," I said, "I'm writing the article.  And I'm going to convince people that I know what I'm talking about.  For example, did you know that the smallmouth bass has a smaller mouth than the largemouth species?"

"That's all you've got?"

I've got more, of course.  I've got quotes from folks at the Indiana Department of Natural Resources, from local fishermen, and information gleaned from the vast reservoir of knowledge I've obtained from reading comic books.  This article on smallmouth bass fishing is plush.

"So, what's next for you?" my wife always wants to know.

I could always write about the latest developments in chemistry, or woodworking, or even women's cosmetics . . . lipstick, perhaps.  But I'm open to ideas.  And if anyone has a pressing matter that I should address, I'd be more than happy to write about it.  Provided, of course, that I can at least be paid in coupons to Starbucks.  I've got to stay awake.  My nights are brief.  And I've got pages to complete before I can turn out the light.  

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