Meet Me

Every now and again I receive invitations to meet or greet "well-known" writer (so-and-so) and author of the book (whatever). Usually, I have never heard of either the well-known author or the book (and I read A LOT of books). These meetings are usually couched in rather flamboyant terms, with many perks noted, and the notion is that, after meeting this writer, my life will never be the same.

Still, I wonder what it would take for someone to want to meet me, or spend an afternoon with me drinking coffee, or discussing literature and art on my front porch? Surely there is someone out there who would welcome an afternoon with me, and all for the low-low price of just $57.95, and this includes the coffee and a choice of any of my paperback books. I'll offer two hours of conversation. Here's the pitch.

Meet author Todd Alleycat on his front porch and discuss literature with this Hoosier legend. You'll recline on a white wicker bench (painted by the author's first wife) as you toss back a few Starbucks highballs and eat pork-n-beans straight out-o-the can. Pick this author's mind (if you can find it) and plan to bring along some of your own work-in-progress. He'd love to read it. This package could also include greeting the Fed-Ex delivery boy, or cooking wieners over an open pit, or participating in a discussion with the author's seventeen-year-old son about his high school curriculum and his jock itch. Side trips (just the price of gasoline) could also include:

A VISIT TO THE USED BOOKSTORE

A DONUT RUN

OR JUST PEEING IN THE WOODS WITH THE AUTHOR

You'll never be the same (and Lord, why would you want to be?) after meeting this master of the keyboard. Only $57.95 gets you in the front door of his home and he'll even show you the master bedroom. Sign up today, spaces are limited.