Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Dumb and Dunking

A few weeks back I finished an article entitled, "How to Dunk a Doughnut".  This might sound like an elementary subject, nothing one could build an article around, but anyone who has studied the fine-art of doughnut-dunking knows otherwise.

Consider, for example, the PopTart.  Did you know that a box of PopTarts contains "instructions for toasting"?  Did you know that some people have the intelligence of chipmunks and place these PopTarts in microwave ovens, or bake them over open fires, or try to toast them in the box and then ask:  "Why don't these taste good?"  And did you know that PopTarts account for more than one-million toaster-related deaths in the U.S. every year?

(Well, okay, this last statement is not accurate, but you get my drift about dumb people . . . .)

Hence, an article on doughnut-dunking is in order.  This article can be of help to many.  It can save lives.

(Well, okay, maybe it can't save lives, but you get the drift about doughnuts and coffee . . . . )

Doughnut-dunking is an art.  It takes practice.  The stars must align properly, along with the temperature of the coffee, the cream, the sugar, and the consistency of the doughnut selection,for a dunk to be successful.

I'm always glad when I can contribute articles like this to help ease the dumbing-down of America.  It makes me realize that some people really do need help, and that's where I can come in.

And for those who need further assistance in this area . . . you can sign up for my doughnut-dunking workshop.  $9.95 for the full course.  Well worth the price of admission.  And this includes a cup of coffee and one doughnut. 

Please . . . don't get any dumber.

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