Columbus and Me

It's a sad fact of life that I was born on Columbus Day (which for many years in America was observed on October 12, but now floats around in the October calendar like a piece of dislocated cartilage). As a child, I recall that Columbus Day was often a school holiday, too. And so I was glad that Columbus had "discovered" the New World on my birthday so I could stay home and watch cartoons.

Last week I completed The Last Voyage of Columbus: Being the Epic Tale of the Great Captain's Fourth Expedition, Including Accounts of Swordfight, Mutiny, Shipwreck, Gold, War, Hurricane, and Discovery, by Martin Dugard. Great book. What I learned was that Columbus was everything I thought he might have been, including a religious nut who enjoyed enslaving the native populations, whose insatiable lust for "Gold" drove him back to the "New World" in search of more plunder (which, of course, he stole from the native peoples in copious amounts), and a guy who enjoyed his fame and fortune so much that, when he was no longer famous and fortunate, he decided to die in his early fifties.

But, hey, it was a crazy time back then, and it was a swashbuckling era. I wish I lived in a swashbuckling era now. I would love to swashbuckle, and I would love to be known as a swashbuckler. And I don't even know what swashbuckling is! I just love the word.

Columbus died broke, and in fact, his name faded into oblivion and he was completely forgotten and disregarded as the discoverer of anything, until more than two hundred years later, when he was recognized as the one who actually "found" the New World. But as the book points out, there were certainly others (like the Vikings--who are now in Minnesota and run a football team) who preceded him. But Columbus wasn't really recognized because he discovered and ran. Rather, Columbus stayed in the New World (and actually made four voyages. . . and that's his real claim to fame.

I'm just glad the guy was savvy enough to discover America on my birthday. Thanks, Chris!

Just Do It

Some time back I was talking with a group of other pastors when the subject turned to sex. (Still want to read this blog?) One of the pastors asked me, "Have you told your congregation to 'just do it'?" I asked him what he was talking about. As it turns out, there is evidently a growing movement in the church (among some pastors) who favor the idea that marriages can be saved and/or restored if couples just "did it" more often. Not long after this, I read a major article in TIME detailing this church movement and the plethora of books that are being published to advance this great cause. So I bought one of these books: Just Do It, written by Douglas Brown.

Now, let me pause here and add, I had to make my wife read this book, too. I favored her opinion. After all, the couple in this book decided they would "do it" for 101 consecutive days. And they did! The book details how all this "doing it" effected their marriage, what the sticking points were, how difficult it was "to do it", etc. Evidently, there are many pastors out there who are asking the married couples in their congregations to take a "30 day" pledge, or a "40 day" pledge, or even more, and to "do it" every day. (But hey, that ain't me!)

Essentially, after reading this book and after perusing many other blogs advancing this cause as a means of slowing down the divorce rate, or saving marriages, or spicing up lame marriages, I'm not convinced this is the answer. After all, a couple who is not communicating is still going to have communication problems no matter how much they "do it." A couple with financial worries is still going to have financial stresses even if they "do it" for forty days and forty nights. And a couple with a bad marriage or who might be on the brink of divorce isn't going to save the marriage simply from "doing it" more often.

Even so, my wife and I did sit down with our master calendars last week to make our own plans. We were pleased that we could "get together" (in spite of our two 60+ hour work weeks) on the following dates (which we have penciled in):

November 5 (after charge conference)

November 6

And July 14, 2009.

Yes, I realize that the 3rd date is quite a distance out there, but with our work demands, two teenagers, a mortgage, two pets, and no time for funny business, it's the best we could do. That, and the fact that, I actually need months to plan my advances. I'm like Tony Dungy that way. I have to come up with a good game plan, review it with my wife weeks before game time, and see if she likes the plays I'm going to call. Usually she calls a time out and asks me to resubmit another game plan. This, of course, can take weeks/months . . . but eventually we arrive at a plan we can live with.

I did like reading Douglas Brown's book (I'm not loaning it to anyone!!) and so did my wife. But I'm not convinced any of these "Do it" books are the answer to ailing marriages. Mine, after all, is full, robust, and chocked full of goodies, as you can see. Thank God Becky and I have a plan. All we have to do now, is stay awake.

A Day of Proposals

Today (Friday) was a big day . . .

I completed a third revision for my editors at Sourcebooks in Chicago. The book is now slated for publication in May, 2009.

I received an email from my editor at Abingdon (our UM Publishing House) informing me that my book, School's Out, is near completion, too. I was also invited to submit yet another book idea and was informed that Cokesbury wants me to help write a new curriculum for youth (okay . . . but do they know how OLD I am? Have they seen my liver spots? Do they realize I have two teenagers of my own and often threaten to serve them up for adoption?)

I completed three article proposals for three magazines . . . but, hey, I can propose anything (just ask my wife!) A proposal is easy, but getting the wife . . . er, editor, to accept it is another matter entirely. The story of my life.

And finally . . . I also worked up another chapter on my "dog book" . . . which is absolutely some of the funniest stuff I have every written. If I complete this sucker and it sees the light of publication, no one in my family will every speak to me again. This memoir of my childhood dog is so funny, I sometimes blow snot out of my nose.

All in all, not a bad day's work for a rainy Friday (and my son was home all day with me, too, although he did sleep the better part of the afternoon after staying up half the night before). Rather quiet around here otherwise . . . just the way a writer likes it.

Tomorrow, off to Muncie to see the daughter. We'll see how many of us can fit into that tiny dorm room!

Rev! It Up

Last week I sat down one evening and whipped out an article for a church magazine (REV!, a rather cute title for a pastor's magazine, don't you think?) Total time, about an hour. I sent the article via email attachment to the editor, who promptly sent me back an email last night saying, "We love it! We'll take it! Look for a contract in the mail next week!"

Getting news like this makes my day, and if they end up paying me $100 for the article, that's pretty good money by-the-hour as far as hourly rates go. It also makes me feel good to know that I can write an article like that every now and again at a very rapid pace, with no corrections, no rewrites, and still sell the sucker.

This Friday, I plan to write all day . . . I've got about four articles I plan to write, I'm still working on my "dog book", and I've also got to do one more round of rewrites on the wedding book that will be published in 2009. All in all, it should make for a very busy day and I know that, after twelve to fourteen hours of rapid-fire writing, my fingers are going to burn.

But bring it on!

Pope Mobile

I also finished reading Rise, Let Us Be On Our Way, by Pope John Paul II. I've always thought that the former Pope was a great writer, and this little autobiographical summary of his priestly and episcopal call is fascinating. But it is tough to relate, personally, to the call to celibacy, marriage to the church, and the vows of poverty assumed by many priests of the past generation. I liked Pope John Paul II and wish him well on his way to beatification. Hope he makes it. I'd love to see him in stained glass.





Of course, since his autobiography is entitled, Rise, Let Us Be On Our Way, I couldn't help but consider my own autobiographical title. So far, I've come up with:
Rise, Let Us Go To Dunkin' Donuts
Rise, Logan, Get Your Sorry Butt Out of Bed
Rise! (Hey, Why Aren't These Biscuits Rising?!)
Rise, It's Monday Morning Again
Rise, Naw . . . I'll Hit the Snooze
Rise, Rising, Risen (The Pastoral Guide to Latin Cognates)
Rise, Let Us Be Off to Conference

The Christian Vote

I also read Electing Not to Vote, Edited by Ted Lewis. This book is a series of essays written by Mennonite, Catholic, and Lutheran theologians and pastors who offer their perspective on why Christians may elect not to vote in a national election. All of the essays are older, written long before the current Presidential campaign, but they do present some compelling Christian and Biblical arguments for not helping to elect "Caesar", or why the ultimate Christian concern goes far beyond the kingdoms of the world, as represented by governments and policies that may most always oppose the kingdom of God.






I haven't always voted in national elections, but do plan to vote this year, though as I've gotten older, I certainly have grown very cynical and jaded when it comes to partisan politics, national parties, greed, corruption, and the gigantic cogs that keep the money flowing and the votes coming. I like Jesus and his vision a lot better than any vision I've heard during my lifetime offered by a blue suit and a star-spangled tie.





But perhaps we could also start a new political party. How about:
The Billy Bob Party: You pull a lever, and everyone named "Billy Bob" takes office.
The "Cash Back" Party: Every time your congressman or senator votes to increase your taxes, you get "cash back".
The Frequent Flier Party: You pull a lever for a candidate in this party and you automatically get 1000 pts added to your frequent flier voucher.
Of course, there are other great ideas for political parties, too. Any others?

Inside of Me

I've finished three other books in the past two weeks, including this fine Biology book written by Neil Shurbin: Your Inner Fish: A Journey into the 3.5 Billion Year History of the Human Body. I try to read 2-3 biology books each year, and I really enjoyed learning more about what is inside of me. And I was convinced that Gatorade had a corner on my liver!






Speaking of what's inside of me: I did get my doctor's lab report and blood-work last week and learned that the bad cholestorol in my body is low (which is good) and that good cholesterol level is low (which is bad). Prescription for improvement: fish oil or OMEGA 3, and lots more nuts. The nuts won't be a problem, I am Mr. Nuts. But I also learned that my kidneys are putting out high levels of creatinine (a protein enzyme). Conversation:





Dr.: Can you explain these high levels of excess protein in your body?
Me: I eat a lot of protein. I drink 2-3 protein mixes a day.
Dr.: Anything else?
Me: I also take creatine. Should I stop taking this?
Dr.: I'll have to "Google it" and find out.






Wow, the Doc actually said he was going to Google with my health. He's going to rely on a Google search to learn if what's inside of me might be harming my body or creating a tumor the size of a softball . . . I'm going to Google, too, and see what I can find out about what's going on inside of ME! But it's probably just donuts.