Monday, August 5, 2013

My Commercial Enterprise

Several people of late have asked, "Is that you sitting in a wheelchair in that hospital commercial?"  Answer:  Yes.  But it's a long story and we won't go into that here.

I will say, however, that I am now heavily embroiled in creating some info-mercials that the publisher will air on YouTube and other web sites, and I am also reviewing photographs for back book covers and author pages.  But I've come to the conclusion that my life would be so much easier if I could just use the persona of the World's Most Boring Man.  This would, of course, be an accurate assessment of a writer's life and my family wouldn't argue.

One upcoming Info-mercial may well involve my wife.  We'll have to film this thing together.  Naturally, I'm not optimistic about our ability to work together on screen.  In truth, I hate being on camera, hate interviews--TV, Skype, doesn't matter.  So I'm perfectly willing to give her the leading role.  She can hog the film.

But I have to write the scripts.  This is the tough part.  What lines do I give to my wife?  Here are a few that I'm working on . . . .

Me:  Hello, my name is Todd and I endorse this message.
WifeEndorse?  When have you ever endorsed anything?

Me:  I don't always write at 3 a.m., but when I do, I drink lots of coffee.
Wife:  So what are you working on now?  Don't tell me it's another book that will sell twenty copies.  You might as well be writing on toilet paper.

Me:  Keep writing, my friends.
Wife:  Friends?  Who are you talking to?  You had friends in grade school but they dumped you after discovering you picked your nose. 

I have a feeling that these Info-mercials may not be the best thing for a marriage.  And I think I need a younger co-star.  Just sayin' . . . .

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