Graduation

This morning, as I was sitting down at my computer, I looked to my right and noted an old book on the shelf: Onward, edited by Peter J. Smith. This is a collection of graduation and commencement speeches given by a host of people. From Madeleine Albright to Ted Koppel to John Updike . . . various pieces of sage advice and wisdom from college campuses large and small.

I am going to read some of these (again) this weekend.

And, in case there are graduates out there who want some of my sage advice, here is it:

Get rid of the funny-looking cap and gown as quickly as possible . . . you look ridiculous in that crap and no one will hire you if you are intent on looking like a moron. Next, if you haven't yet applied to go to college, get moving. At least do something. Don't sit around in your parents' basements watching Dumb and Dumber and wondering when you are going to catch a break. You won't. The world won't give you a break. You have to make our own breaks . . . and this might include putting forth so much effort and sweat that you actually break an arm or leg. Next, drink plenty of fluids. You will need to stay hydrated as you make your rounds looking for work and practice saying, "Do you want fries with that?" And as your pastor and friend, let me also recommend the following. If you are having premarital sex, stop! Your parents will get jealous. They don't even have that much sex and believe me, you sure don't know what the heck YOU are doing. If you are drinking alcohol, stop! Your parents need a drink worse than you do and they have real worries to deal with. If you don't have a place of worship, find one! God knows we could use more voices in the choir and youth group is over. Grow up . . . yes, for Christ's sake! And I do mean, for Christ's sake! The world needs you and your energy and your ideas and your gifts . . . and if you are distracted by all of this other malarkey, you're missing it. Stick to your faith and your values (yes, even in college) and you'll go far. Enjoy the sappy Hallmark cards that people purchase for you, but don't really mean, and make sure you cash out the gift cards before they expire. And last, but not least, start doing the little things like checking the oil and fluid levels in your car (so your dad won't have to) and put some of your own cash into the gas tank now and then. Really, your parents will appreciate it, and they might even brag about you to one of the two friends they have.