Writer's Soup

This week begins with Q & A . . . a blend of obvious and not-so-obvious observations aimed at answering the pressing concerns that nobody really cares about:

Q:  What is the next book you will be reviewing?
A: Word has it that I should be receiving the latest Leonard Sweet title any moment now, fresh off the press.  I'll have my mitts on Lenny's pages within the next 48-hours.  You can bet I'll read him quickly, but will take my time writing my review, which should make its way, then, to the pages of several magazines.

Q:  Exactly how many books are you working on right now?
A:  This is difficult to answer.  The easy answer would be to say that I work on one book at a time.  The truthful answer would be to say that there are no less than a half dozen books in various stages of dress.  The best answer is to say that I don't keep track of numbers, just deadlines and ideas about deadlines.  If I concentrate on anything else, those deadlines will kill me. 

Q:  What is your next book to be published?
A:  Currently, if the book gods are true to their word (they usually lie), I can expect to receive contributors copies any day now.  This time, a poetry anthology that includes a nice representation of my verse.  But if this book doesn't strike first, it could be a book about Jesus, or wine, or perhaps even a novel.  I stopped trying to predict these outcomes years ago.  Which is why I never buy a lottery ticket.

Q: How are you coming along on your goal to have 150 essays published in 2014?  
A:  Thanks for asking, Vinnie.  Thus far I've had thirteen essays published (which, of course, is an unlucky number).  I'm going to have to pick up the pace considerably if you do the math.  But if I count book reviews, too, I should make some headway once I receive my first big-ol-shipment of books. 

Q:  Word has it you don't sleep much these days.  Is this true?
A:  Obviously, I do sleep.  Compared to a black bear in hibernation, I sleep very little.  Compared to the mouse in my attic that keeps me awake most nights, I sleep too much.  But I have been known to go for days on the stamina produced from coffee and the glow of a fresh page on the computer screen.  If I have work that won't let me sleep, then I don't.  When my wife tells me she wants me, or just has to have me in bed right now, I sleep with her.  (But just imagine that black bear in hibernation and you'll have an accurate picture of what this entails.)

Q: As a writer, what do you hope your legacy will be?
A: Isaac Asimov wrote something like 600 books in his lifetime.  If the book gods smile favorably upon me, perhaps I'll reach the 100 mark by the time the worms chew my gizzard.  

Q:  Any advice you would give to the young writers out there?A:  Yes.  Just do it . . . and stop reading this blog.         

Valentine's Day

Only a handful of people know me . . . and among this tiny enclave, it is a select few who read (or who want to read) any of my work in progress.  And, because I write across so many genres, even these select few are surprised when my name shows up in print.  In fact, I often get to surprise my wife by showing her essays and articles (and sometimes even whole books) as they appear in print for the first time.  Usually, her comment is: "That's nice, dear."

In the coming weeks I do have several "love" poems that are slated for publication, along with several essays and books, but none of them are going to arrive in time for Valentine's Day . . . when I could truly express my love and appreciation by opening up pages and pointing to my byline.  But for those who have contributed to my writing in recent weeks, or otherwise made it possible for me to make my way into print every month, I am truly grateful.  I have many to thank (and you know who you are).  But I'm especially indebted to Tom, Ginger, Andy, Perry, Andy, Sarah, Dan, and Amy in recent weeks.  Thank you!

And although I do have some new poetry on the way in several journals/magazines, and therefore can't blog it here, I'll offer this one from my 2013 poetry journal as a Valentine's Gift to Becky.  (She won't be reading this, but that's a reality I have to live with.  We'll talk things over later while we are eating a can of Chunky soup on Valentine's Day.)  But here's one I wrote last winter. 

Snowfall

The weatherman says it is going to snow:

Rain forming to sleet, then turning cold.

I have prepared a can of soup

Such as one might find in any kitchen

Where people live in the dark,

Looking out on the brown lawn

With the expectation of winter.

Later, we will sit at the table

With crackers and cheese on a plate

And string a life together from days

Such as this, where we wait

With nothing at all to do.

Sharing a bowl of silence

That is more than enough for two.

Underdogs

Malcolm Gladwell has written another intriguing book, this time an exploration of underdogs and overachievers.  Gladwell has a knack for discovering connections between seemingly unconnected subjects, and David and Goliath is no exception.

In David and Goliath, Gladwell explores everything from the Biblical story (the introduction) to a high school girl's basketball team to Harvard admissions and graduation statistics to famous personalities and their respective achievements.  Better yet, the book is a type of sociological, and at times pscyhological, study of personality and conflict.

In addition, what makes Gladwell's books so interesting is the spare language and concise (even precise) writing.  Nothing is wasted. 

So . . . what's next for this wild-eyed New Yorker staff writer?  Difficult to say.  Gladwell defies categorization. 

But this might, of course, be the very thing that defines him. 

The Olympic Spirit

It occured to me last night during the opening ceremony of the Olympics . . . that these late nights could actually be quite productive.  Having recently signed a contract to write another BIG book, I'm now going to have to burn the midnight oil for months in order to produce another 100,000 word manuscript.  But I'm already well on my way . . . thanks to the Olympics.  One can, after all, watch only so much curling or luging.  And when it comes to ice skating, I can only take about five minutes of toe-loops and triple axels.  As soon as I hear Scott Hamilton say, "Oh, she missed that triple-salchow and only did a double!  That's going to cost her points with the judges . . ." I'm back to the keyboard.

Still, the Olympics do compel me to compete.  So, in that spirit, I've been thinking about some titles I could write.  I wonder if I could find a publisher for any of these?

Curlying in Cinema
     This title will explore the variety of Curlys throughout cinematic history, beginning with Moe, Larry and Curly.  I'll also explore the rise of Shemp as this juxtoposition lead to the Dairy Queen curl and women's curling under the blowdryer.  The book will also explore the influence of Shirley Temple's curls on women's hairstyles and how styles have changed through the years in cinema, leading up to this year's Oscars and the impact of the Justin Bieber curl.

So . . .You Want to Luge
     The only Olympic sport that EVERYONE believes he/she could do, luging is fast becoming the most popular sport in Indiana, where people are now building luge tracks in their back yards.  This title will explore the connection between luging and the 57% rise in Emergency Room visits.  A handy appendix in the back of the book (including an actual appendix removed from a healthy 45-year old female pole dancer) will illustrate how to built your own luge out of discarded Gremlin auto parts.

Ice Skating Terminology Made Easy
     Everyone will want to keep a copy of this book close at hand during the Olympics.  With its handy alphabetized reference guide, this title will explain terms like Axel (which is where skaters attempt to jump in the air and land without breaking the pelvis) and Salchow (which is a Scandanavian term meaning, "this guy should be a bartender instead of jumping on the ice").  Professional skaters, as well as those who skate at Rhonda's Rumpus Rink, will want to own a copy.  The book will also contain tips on how to break your opponent's ankle with a cast iron rod (known as a "Gillooly") and how to influence the judges' voting (a "bribe").  

Is Hockey for Real?
     This title will become a cult favorite due to its graphic core and blood-n-guts photo plates.  Based on expert interviews and excerpts taken from conversations between players and coaches, we'll see how hockey is directly related to boxing and is a legalized version of assault and battery.  Team doctors will reveal how players are kept alive through intravenous Gatorade drips, including a few corpses who are still skating (but the leagues won't admit it).  The book will also include favorite quotes from Don Rickles, who described everyone he met as a "Hockey Puck!" 

Two Too

Later this year I will receive copies of two books to which I have contributed.  Now, as I look on my shelves, I see that I've contributed to something like 20 titles in the past decade. But I don't count these in my total since my name is not on the cover, even though, in some instances, I was the principal contributor.

I don't mind contributing, however.  That's really more my style, anyway.  If I were an actor, I'd never lead.  I would have a minor role.  If I played a professional sport, I'd mainly ride the pine.  In fact, I have always preferred the back row to the front row.  Still do.

If I were to count these other twenty books, though--I'd now have over 50 books that, in some capacity, could be attributed to me.  I don't talk about this, though, as my wife is not easily impressed.  She usually just yawns when I show her the latest book copy.  Mainly, she just wants to know if I've taken the time to cook dinner.  She never seems to like it when I tell her I traded dinner for writing, and will likely do so again tomorrow and the day after.  Sometimes, I toss her a hamburger and point out the large stack of Ramen noodles in the pantry.

Every now and again my wife sees one of my new books lying on the floor and she asks, "When did you write this one?"

I tell her I don't remember.  And she says, "Well, I don't remember either . . . but it looks interesting."

I ask her if she'd like to read the new book.  She declines.  And that's that.

I'm not sure how many books I will contribute to in 2014.  Being only forty days into the new year and already two deep into the pot I don't want to speculate.  But it could get interesting.

In the meantime, I'll continue to stack the books on my wife's desk.  Perhaps she will read one soon.  After all, most of the books are dedicated to her. 

Dark Fiction

Word came that my latest science fiction story is now available.  The story, "Squatters" was published in the British magazine, Morpheus Tales, which has been described as a home for dark and controversial fiction.  (Not sure if my stories are either, but I do like this story about a wild-west world near the giant red star, Betelgeuse.)

Print copies not available in the U.S., but a Kindle version of the magazine can be found on Amazon at:

 http://www.amazon.com/Morpheus-Tales-23-Charlotte-Johnson-ebook/dp/B00I1FCC48/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1391181295&sr=8-1&keywords=morpheus+tales+23

Anyway, want to thank Adam for including me in the issue, and I hope we can meet again in these pages, soon.

One of these days I'm going to gather all of my published science fiction and make a book . . . but until then . . .

There are always more stories to write, because there are always more worlds to imagine.

 

Game Time

For years now I've used the S**** B*** as an opportunity to read, write and research . . . and this year will be no different.  And now that the commissioner and the NFL have made it clear they will pursue legal action against anyone who uses the official term S**** B*** to describe their party, gathering or family event, I'm even more eager to steer clear of the hype.

So, I'll just read my S**** B*** books.  I've got my S**** B*** nachos.  I've got my S**** B*** drinks.

I also plan to write on my S**** B*** computer.  But I won't write about the S**** B***.  That would be too risky.  S**** B***! I might get sued.

Four years ago I read an entire book during the game.  I even remember the title of that book.  It was The Cheapskate's Guide to Life.  Still have it (somewhere).  That was a S**** B*** book!  

Not sure how the game will turn out, but I don't plan to be dormant.  S**** B*** I might accomplish something significant.  

Now, please excuse me . . . I've got to get back to those S**** B*** sandwiches.  They are S**** B*** good!